areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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