3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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