Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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