i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
