So drunk its hurt
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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