no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
