He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
