last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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