So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
