...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize