chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
