I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
