We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
