she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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