we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
