I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
