Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
