Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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