If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we're so committed to being not committed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
