woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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