theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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