i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
