The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My feet surprised me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
