Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
