I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
this hospital has no fireball
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
