I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
