I hate your face
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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