Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
