wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
