There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
