This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
