its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
