i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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