So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
