if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
