State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
