End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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