Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can text with my tongue
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
