I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
