I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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