yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
