my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize