I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
