she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
