so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
