I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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