Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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