May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
