This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
