you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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