summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
