I must be too annoying 4 u.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
