So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your tits are I can't wait for
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
