haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
one two three fourrrrnication!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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