So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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