Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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