You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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