I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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