It was confusing and full of hummus
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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