I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
