Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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