If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
