best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
