If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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