the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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