I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
