i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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