i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
